The Bosanquet / Fletcher Letters Project
Letter: MB to John Wesley, 7 March 1761Reference: M[ary] B[osanquet], 'Letter CXLIX . From Miss B. to the Rev. Mr. Wesley [7 Mar. 1761]', AM (1781), 107-108.
March 7, 1761.
The Lord has of late laid me on the hearts of many of his children: so that several of them said, they could not rest till he had delivered me. For this fortnight he has been many times very nigh; but yet the forms of Anak seemed to triumph, till on Thursday morning, being at prayer, I felt an hope, that he would keep me every moment. Yet I durst not say, 'Christ has delivered me:' but 'he will bruise Satan under my feet shortly.' And I felt, as it were, a claim to Jesus, such as I never remember before. On Friday I saw his exceeding willingness to save, and could almost believe. At Intercession, I felt every word sink into my soul: yet soon after I was surrounded with such sorrow and anguish, that I could not forbear crying out exceedingly. I then felt a little power to believe; and my soul was calm. And I could not pray for any good thing, but that he would do with me what seemed him good. When I asked this morning, my soul seemed absolutely empty: only I found power to lie before Jesus. After we left you, we went to Mr. Jay's, when the power of God was present indeed, and even I could say, 'He will keep me without spot unto the day of redemption.'
What the Lord has done, I know not; but I find an exceeding great change. Those sins that hel me in the closest bondage, I know not what is become of them. I am accused almost every moment; but before I can look, the thing is gone. I feel no desire, but for Christ: no fear but of losing my hold of himl. Yet I am often so tempted to give it up, that it is almost more than I can bear. I have but little love for God, though I love nothing so well. I feel a little difference every hour, and I long to see Jesus glorified. yet I do not seem to be so joined to him as I would: only under his peculiar care, it seems, the man of sin is taken out of my heart, but I am not assured he shall never return. I find more need of watchfulness and prayer than ever, and of the means of all kinds. My there not be a measure of pure love, and doubts remain? Be that as it may, I will trust in Jesus. And though a host of foes surround me, I know he can deliver me from them all, and cast them under my feet.
I remain, ours, &c.